Showing posts with label Panic attacks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Panic attacks. Show all posts

Saturday, 11 April 2009

SCARED OF DEATH

Are you scared of dieing ?

Does the very word make you freak ?

Death used to be one of my biggest fears, I suppose it still is. Death is something my OCD was wrapped around. I would make myself check and count by using the feared DEATH. How ? Simple! In my wacky head would come the feared if you do not get up and check that the cooker is off or the telly is unplugged then something bad will happen to someone you love ( Something bad would often mean death ) This used to send me crazy, for someone who has never battled OCD this may sound crazy, silly, mad and more. But if you have lived in my world of OCD, Fear and Panic I'm guessing you somehow understand. As I have said many times before things are better these days, meaning better then my teenage years when I would spend the nights up and down out of bed counting plug sockets and then unplugging my mothers freezer resulting in her weeks food shopping ending up in the bin ( not a happy mummy ) But of late I have had an attack of the OCD maybe I'm stress who knows I'm just battling the monster the best way I know. The mind is a powerful tool, Lets just remember it's ours so we can control it if we really want to.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

RETURN OF THE OCD

Lately my life has been a little crazy!
It's when life is this way that danger begins. Yes the monster known to me as OCD has a horrible habit of baring it's ugly self. It's not to bad right now but it's there and that makes me panic. My life long battle with the disorder is something I used to hide in shame, but not anymore! I know I'm not mad or crazy ( OK SOME MAY NOT AGREE ) OCD is just one of them mind games that a lot of us play from time to time. I think that OCD is within a small part of all of  us. It's just how we perceive it, do we let it take over, take control? I'm just one of those many people that find it extremely difficult to ignore what is going on in my mind. I stress, stress some more, worry, worry some more then bang HELLO MRS OCD. Thing is I'm kind of worrying about stuff that I really can't control, although I wish I could these situations are really out of my hands and in the hands of god. I need to learn to kick back, relax and let life run it's course! but come on easier said then done. 

Sunday, 8 March 2009

A trip to the unknown

What in life are you most scared or worried about? Is it the outcome of a job interview or how your child will progress in school and life as a whole?
It all boils down to the same! We as a human being are most scared or worried of the unknown! 
I have sat and fault to myself more then once, many a times in fact, Once I have got past this or that I will be able to relax and not have anything left to worry about. But come on how true is this statement? Not very true! Why? Because life it's self is a worry! Its just how we manage to deal with these worries of everyday life. We can chose to let them get deep inside our heads making us sick with the unknown or we can chose to take each day as it comes. What kind of person are you?
Once you let to much in then that's when things change! That's when you see the world in a different way. That's when your at major risk of developing an Anxiety disorder. I'm not suggesting you go along life not worrying about a thing because not doing this would cause you to develop such a disorder. I'm just saying that once you start to ponder on the unknown in an obsessive way that's when you can be pretty much sure mental health problems are on the way. Stress and anxiety are hard to deal with, but how we deal with it is the key. It's very easy for me to sit here writing this post, but for me it is hard to put my own words in to actions. As a person that does not deal with anxiety in the best of ways I know how out of control Anxiety disorders can really become.
I spent many years battling the condition OCD. A condition that still bears it's big ugly head at times. There are two major subcategories of anxiety disorders: Phobic disorders and anxiety states. Well I seem to fall into the later, anxiety states covers's disorders such as panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. I'm unsure about post traumatic stress disorder, but OCD and panic disorder I can relate to on a number of levels having suffered both of them. Physiological arousal and free-floating anxiety are something that come with each and everyone of them disorders, and that is what makes them so hard to deal with and over come. For the people that don't know what I'm blurting on about, Psychological arousal is when there maybe changes in the heart rate, respiration, muscle tension, dizziness, tension, tremor, sweating and shaking, felling of wanting to be sick or being unable to sallow. Free-floating is the same as the above but with one added difference! The felling of not knowing why this is happening ( An intense apprehension with-out reason) If you explained these symptoms to a doctor I'm guessing you would be told that you had experienced a panic attack and it was likely due to some sort of anxiety disorder. I used to fell a complete prat once I understood what in fact was occurring. It got to the stage where I knew that yes this was a panic attack I was having and yes it would pass, but at the same time I still wanted to get help as I was sure I was dieing. The first panic attack is one of the worse as you really do think you are having a heart attack! Mine started as I fault I was unable to sallow and my airways were closing. Silly you may think. Try living through one then say that's silly. I have passed out three times due to panic attacks, although there much more under control now, they still pop up and say hello now and then.
Most of the time when I'm stressed out.

So there is just a small handful of reasons not to ponder on the unknown!
And as i have said before, I was just 7 when OCD took over my childhood. 
For more info on anxiety within children you can read my blog A boy with Asperger's 

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Mental health, more common then you know.

The mind! By far one of the most powerful things we own.

It's up to us on how we use it, treat it, and see it. Think your crazy? Mark my words' you carry on thinking that way theirs a pretty big chance you will be.
As a young woman ( well I like to think so ) I have known and meet so many different people with some form of mental health problem. Some conditions that are just a passing by thing, like depression or a breakdown of some sort. Then there are the conditions that well stick around like bipolar, paranoid disorders or schizophrenic disorders. It is so common now that nearly everyone will go through some form of mental health problem in the course of there life. 

I myself have seen what it can be like suffering OCD and panic attacks when growing up. I also hit some real lows when I was suffering from depression ( something I try hard to avoid ) 
My partner has ADHD and my son is on the autistic spectrum with Aspergers. 
Maybe for these reasons and others I have developed an interest in psychology. For sometime now I have been thinking of studying psychology as I enjoy it so much on many levels, but being a mother I just can't seem to find the time right now. A pretty rubbish excuse I know because I myself do firmly believe that if you really want something in your life you have to work at it to make it possible. So I'm hoping to take this chance in the near future' maybe next year! God only knows I spend anoth time reading about it I may as well study it. However there is something that I'm hoping to be able to start very soon! I have applied to be a volunteer for a local autism project. This well really give me the chance to get heard and raise awareness and funds for a cause very close to my heart. I will be involved in organising fundraising events and have one to one contact with other parents that have just found out there child is on the autistic spectrum. I have also been asked to become a founding member for a new online forum for ASD. This is due to Begin in April. This will also give me the chance to start conversations and answer questions from other parents that have just discovered there child has ASD. Really I can't wait. So really I have this and my family so that is going to keep me busy and on my toes for sometime.

Lets just say my mind will be worked and that's the way it should be.